There’s a blog that I visited that spoke of single mothers and the need for a man in a boys’ life. I didn’t comment only because, I was really tired yesterday but, it did get me thinking about my own life and how that relates to me. When my son was born, I was a single mother. I was married but, we were separated and he lived almost three thousand miles away so, he wasn’t around. It was hard as hell for me because, my son had colic really bad(what is it with boys and colic?) he also had asthma and woke up every two hours to eat(he’s still greedy.) I used to wonder what life would be like for my son, not having his father around. Would he have this void that couldn’t be filled? Would he have issues because of it? I never had to worry about him seeing males because, the world I grew up in was full of males.
From the moment he arrived, he was surrounded by loving uncles. They would toss him around, let him use them as a chair(like in the pic) or just love him to death. My oldest brother was right there in the hospital with me the day he was born.
My youngest brother, who was 18 years old, would change his diapers for me, baby sit when needed and when I was dog tired in the middle of the night, would take his nephew and keep him until he fell asleep.
Many mornings I woke up to find my son still in his uncle’s room. Both of them knocked out.
Children don’t know that, the situation they are living in is different from someone else until they are told. Even though I was married when I had my son, I never understood the concept of calling a child a “bastard.” That’s a bad seed to sow into the mind of a child…IMO. If I wasn’t married when I had my son, would my brothers love him any less? Would my father dote on him any less? Would he be a different person than he is today? I say no to all three.
Many single mothers are doing one helluva job with their children. My brothers’ best friend was raised by a single mother. He is in his 30’s now and he is a wonderful husband and father because, he is a wonderful human being. And really, isn’t that what it all boils down to anyway? Raising a good person?
Many single mothers have positive role models for their sons. Whether it’s their uncle, their paw-paw, special someone their mother used to be romatically involved with, or a married friend whose husband is involved in his life. It’s wonderful when the father is there and he’s a great role model but, the reality is, life is not black and white….it’s deep shades of gray(another post.)
I look at my son now and he has got to be one of thee most well-adjusted young men on the planet. Kids just want to be loved. I know there are kids out there acting crazy but, I think that’s because they didn’t have positive male role models more than the issue of daddy not being in the home. Also, mom didn’t check that behavior when they were young but, that’s another post.
My son has never seen his biological father, and he is almost 17 years old. He has a wonderful relationship with his paternal grandmother though and she loves him to death. My son and I talked about it once and he told me that, it used to bother him a bit when he was young, but that was because he would say he would come to see him and didn’t. I asked him if he ever felt like he missed out on anything because of it and, he answered no. I don’t think he did either. Just look at the pictures. All of them are of him and one of his uncles.
Except this one. I met my husband when my son was 7 years old. In those 10 years, their relationship has grown to one of father and son. I feel really blessed to be with a man who loves my children so much but, I also know that, I would never marry a man who didn’t. The beautiful thing about kids is the fact that , they can’t feign happiness. You can tell when something is wrong with a child.
I have been on the blogs of many single mothers and their children are simply beaming.
I love my husband dearly but, I think that, if I had never met him, my son would have turned out just fine. My son has a multitude of uncles who went above and beyond the role of uncle. They have always been there for my son and always will be. Being married when you have a child doesn’t give you that kind of support…..being loved does.