Well, carnival time here and for me, it officially begins the “teasing Ali”time of year.
It’s already started and a parade hasn’t even hit the street yet.
This is the time of year I get hit with the infamous question…
Ali, are you gonna beat anyone up this year?
It all began three Mardi Gras ago during an Endymion parade. It was the year Endymion went down St. Charles Street instead of their regular route of Canal Street.
Yellow Jacket was in Xavier Prep’s Band and I was a chaperon. Purple Knight was in Aug’s band.
Endymion is a huge parade and the crowd is always thick.
The crowds can be kinda rowdy because, people have been out all day eating and drinking on the route. Having to get drunk people to understand that, they can’t cross through the band lines is kinda like speaking English to someone who doesn’t speak the language…they just don’t get it.
Most of the people out there are wonderful. They love the bands, they cheer for the kids and thank the chaperons for being out there. I’d say about 99% of the folks out there are really cool and accommodating but, that one percent…
That pic is Endymion going down Carrollton Ave. The folks in the white, that’s us chaperons for Prep. The side you see is what’s called the “neutral ground side.” At a parade you’re either on the “sidewalk side” or “neutral ground side.” I always walk on the neutral ground side of any parade.
Anyhoo, the year Endymion went down St. Charles, we weren’t blessed with those barricades and the crowd was much closer to us. We were the third band in the parade with St. Aug (always first in every parade they’re in) and St. Mary’s in front of us.
As we’re going along the route, I notice this dude standing on a ladder. I also noticed that, he’s hitting every chaperon upside the head.
Everyone that passes him, he’s just bobbing them on the head like he don lost his frigging mind.
So, I’m looking at him and saying to myself,
“This mother f’er is about to hit my ass upside the head.”
So, I’m walking, getting closer to him and…
This fool don hit me on the head!
So, I turn around and grab his ass with my left hand and bring him down a bit(remember he’s on a ladder) and commenced to beating the shit out of him in the face with my right hand!
The band director for Prep spots me knocking the shit out of ole ‘boy, runs over and gets me off him(cuz I had no plans to turn him loose.)
One of the cops on duty came to me and said, “I was watching everything but, you was handling ole’ boy so, I didn’t come over.”
Ya darned tootin!
I can get psycho…I just choose not to…unless you mess with me.
I prefer the peaceful side of me, but, nothing peaceful was gonna happen with some nut hitting me on the head.
When there was a break in the parade, yellow jacket and her friends call me over to them in the line,
her: ma, I saw you beating that man up! He shouldn’t have hit you on the head that’s good for him!
(my girl always has her momma’s back..lol)
her friends: yeah ma(they all call me ma)we saw him too… hitting everybody.
When the parade was over and the bands were on their buses going back to their schools, my phone rings.
him: ma, did you beat some man up back there on the route?
him:Cordell’s momma just phoned him and told him, she saw you beating some man up on the route ( when Cordell’s mom chaperoned for Aug, she coldcocked a man one year and laid him out on St. Charles so, she can’t tease me.LOL)
Then, I hear one of the other band members ask him while I’m on the phone,
other kid: say bruh, your momma short, wears glasses and look like you?
other kid: yeah bruh, Mr. Eddie saw her too( Mr. Eddie is one of their band directors)
him: (now talking to me) Yeah ma…it was you.
Seems Eddie had left their line to use a restroom and caught me in action.
I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down.
Still love to chaperon though.