Will I Ever Live It Down?

Well,  carnival time here and for me, it officially begins the “teasing Ali”time of year.

It’s already started and a parade hasn’t even hit the street yet.

This is the time of year I get hit with the infamous question…

Ali, are you gonna beat anyone up this year?

It all began three Mardi Gras ago during an Endymion parade.  It was the year Endymion went down St. Charles Street instead of their regular route of Canal Street.

Yellow Jacket was in Xavier Prep’s Band and I was a chaperon.  Purple Knight was in Aug’s band.

Endymion is a huge parade and the crowd is always thick.

The crowds can be kinda rowdy because, people have been out all day eating and drinking on the route. Having to get drunk people to understand that, they can’t cross through the band lines is kinda like speaking English to someone who doesn’t speak the language…they just don’t get it.

Most of the people out there are wonderful. They love the bands, they cheer for the kids and thank the chaperons for being out there.  I’d say about 99% of the folks out there are really cool and accommodating but, that one percent…

That pic is Endymion going down Carrollton Ave.  The folks in the white, that’s us chaperons for Prep. The side you see is what’s called the “neutral ground side.” At a parade you’re either on the “sidewalk side” or “neutral ground side.”  I always walk on the neutral ground side of any parade.

Anyhoo, the year Endymion went down St. Charles, we weren’t blessed with those barricades and the crowd was much closer to us.  We were the third band in  the parade with St. Aug (always first in every parade they’re in) and St. Mary’s in front of us.

As we’re going along the route, I notice this dude standing on a ladder.  I also noticed that, he’s hitting every chaperon upside the head.

Everyone that passes him, he’s  just bobbing them on the head like he don lost his frigging mind.

So, I’m looking at him and saying to myself,

“This mother f’er is about to hit my ass upside the head.”

So, I’m walking, getting closer to him and…

5…4…3…2…1

BOP!

This  fool don hit me on the head!

So, I turn around and grab his ass with my left hand and bring him down a bit(remember he’s on a ladder) and commenced to beating the shit out of him in the face with my right  hand!

The band director for Prep spots me knocking the shit out of ole ‘boy, runs over and gets me off him(cuz I had no plans to turn him loose.)

One of the cops on duty came to me and said, “I was watching everything but, you was handling ole’ boy so, I didn’t come over.”

Ya darned tootin!

I can get psycho…I just choose not to…unless you mess with me.

I prefer the peaceful side of me, but, nothing peaceful was  gonna happen with some nut hitting me on the head.

When there was a break in the parade, yellow jacket  and her friends call me over to them in the line,

her: ma, I saw you beating that man up! He shouldn’t have hit you on the head that’s good for him!

(my girl always has her momma’s back..lol)

her friends: yeah ma(they all call me ma)we saw  him too… hitting everybody.

When the parade was over and the bands were on their buses going back to their schools, my phone rings.

It’s Purpleknight.

him: ma, did you beat some man up back there on the route?

me:what?

him:Cordell’s momma just phoned him and told him, she saw you beating some man up on the route ( when Cordell’s mom chaperoned for Aug, she coldcocked a man one year and laid him out on St. Charles  so, she can’t tease me.LOL)

Then, I hear one of the other band members ask him while I’m on the phone,

other kid: say bruh, your momma short, wears glasses and look like you?

him: yeah

other kid: yeah bruh, Mr. Eddie saw her too( Mr. Eddie is one of their band directors)

him: (now talking to me) Yeah ma…it was you.

Seems Eddie had left their line to use a restroom and caught me in action.

So  now,every Mardi Gras, my Purple Knight and Yellow Jacket family tease me when they see me…which is pretty often this time of the year.

I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down.

Still love to chaperon though.

A Peek Inside My World…

NavySeal and I affectionately call our home, “the roach motel.” No, not because we have a pest problem.  Although, every now and then, I’ve seen a roach and the only thing I could think of was, “why in the world would God give those things WINGS?” Lil suckers look like B-24s flying at ya.

No, we call our  home the roach motel cuz, if by chance some home invader enters it while we’re home…chances are, they won’t come out breathing.

NS has been on youtube putting up “just a few” of his favorite toys. Here’s a peek into his world…

and here’s  a few of his other toys…

When we came home after the storm, we were the first to return to our neighborhood. We lived on the 2nd floor of our flooded home using a generator. NS had to work 12 hours shifts and oftentimes, I was  home at night in a desolate area alone. When the sun set, it would be pitch black because there weren’t any street lights(or lights of any kind) to be seen for miles. I’d barricade myself in my bedroom and the only sound you’d hear  if you passed,is that crazy ass generator grinding out so, I could have some electricity. I’d sit in the room with my  Sassie (RIP) and watch the telly with “Big Bertha”  sitting right beside me.

Big Bertha is a 12-gauge shotgun with a laser attached to her.  Big Bertha was my best friend during those times. You’d be surprised at how many people were randomly walking into  homes all willy-nilly. When they were checking for bodies, they kicked damned near everyone’s door in. Homes were wide open unless you went back to board it up so, people were going into homes looking around…stealing stuff.

Many times, I wouldn’t hear someone outside the house but, Sassie would and she’d start barking. I’d go downstairs with Big Bertha and find someone on side of the house. One thing I learned during that time is…

the sound of a 12-gauge being cocked is a sound all men seem to know. LOL

If You’re Spending The Holidays With A Mouse…

I know this is a little late but, for some reason, I’m getting a bunch of hits from people wanting to know what to do with this mouse. Maybe they’re planning to see him for Easter or planning to go for the next really big holiday.  Anyhoo, here ya go!

A lot of people who have never been to WDW for the holiday season, like to get a heads up on the crowds  and whatever else is happening around there.  This information is from my own personal experience, someone else may have had a different experience so, here goes;

GET THERE SUPER EARLY!  The park will shut down on you!

We spent Christmas day at WDW and didn’t have a hotel room on the grounds.  Getting there early is crucial if you do not want to be turned away at the gate(I hope you got the tickets in advance.)  We got there before the gates opened and everyone was waiting to get on either the monorail or the ferry-boat (the monorail is faster so, get on that no matter what the workers say.) Due to fire codes, they can only let so many people in the park and after that, it’s a no go. Every single year, the employees bet on what time the park will shut down on Christmas day.  The park opens at 7 a.m., the year we went, it shut down at 10 a.m.  The process is… first, they will stop selling tickets then, people who aren’t staying on the grounds won’t be admitted, and finally, no one will be allowed in…even if you’re staying on the grounds at a Disney resort.  The year we went, it was completely shut down by 10 and did not reopen to allow guests in until 1 p.m.

If you have a pet, check him/her in early because it is first come, first serve and they are always swamped on that day. In fact, they’re swamped the entire week.  The kennels are great, some employees better than others. I’ve  read that some employees are mean but, I have really thick skin and I am not easily offended so, what is probably perceived as mean to some folks is just normal behavior to me. Some people have “tissue paper feelings” as my mom used to say.

Make sure you have all of your pet immunization records because you will  need them to check your pet in and they have to be up to date.  The papers from petco, petsmart and places like that are taken.  Our furry family members were vaccinated at petco and we had no problems at all with the papers.

When you get to the theme park, RUN AND GET YOUR HAT! Everyone walks around with Christmas hats on and the really popular ones like Pluto which lights up or the Mickey’s First Christmas hat sells out really fast. They sold out of the Pluto hats at Magic Kingdom but, we found a bunch of them at MGM Studios.

It is going to be very, very crowded so, get on your favorite rides early.  We were able to ride The Tower of Terror 3 times that day(my son was rode it about 6 times) which is very good considering the crowds. Also, make sure you get the fast pass and go back to the ride at the time stated.  Those are really good. The lines will still be long just not as long as the other line for non-fast pass users.

Pack plenty of patience!  It is crowded on holidays so, if you can’t handle wall-to-wall people pushing trying to get past you…you may want to rethink going there during their busiest time. I had taken the pic above because, we kept hearing people complain about the crowd and we were like, “oh, there’s a crowd?” Some streets in New York are more crowded. We have crowds larger than this leaving any parade route.  LOL…the magical conditioning of Mardi Gras.  It does tend to get pretty thick in some areas of the park .

Make reservations to eat at  the restaurants in the park and make them very early!  I made my reservations months in advance and was able to get them at whatever restaurant I wanted. However, if you think you’re gonna go there on Christmas day(or any major holiday) and get on the waiting list at the Crystal Palace  for instance…think again.  You’ll be stuck eating at one of the fast food joints there…which isn’t very good IMO.  I used AllEars.net which is wonderful! They give you all the info you’ll ever need regarding dining at Disney.

Park your car and use the bus transportation to hop from theme park to theme park. IT’S FREE!  Disney makes everything convenient. If you’re at Magic Kingdom and want to go to Epcot, MGM or anywhere on Disney’s grounds, just go to the bus terminal which is in front of the entrance and get on the bus.  They’ll have  signs posted at each bus stop to let you know where that bus is going and the wait time is very short!  My husband had no idea about the bus transportation, he thought you had to drive to the next theme park…naw buddy, leave your car and the pets where they are!

Other than that, just dive into the kid in you and ENJOY!

King Cakes and Nathan

Well, twelfth night has come and gone so that means one of my favorite holidays is upon us,

 

Mardi Gras Time!!

Not so much because of the parades ( I only go out to hear the bands play.) It’s because of this right here,

 

 

King Cakes….yummy!  The only place I get mine from is Manny Randazzo’s on N. Hullen Street in Metairie.  Manny’s started selling king cakes Saturday morning at 8 a.m., I got there at 8:05.  The line was already through the store, through the parking lot and out to the street!  Did I leave and go home?  Heck naw!  I parked my car and got in line. It was cold out but, I was dressed to handle the weather and the 45 minute wait would have been just fine if it wasn’t for….NATHAN.

 

Nathan is a 7-year-old kid who was standing behind me in line with his grandparents.  The entire 45 minutes, the grandparents were trying to keep Nathan’s busy-body behind still. I think during those 45 minutes, I heard every conceivable statement that you could tell a kid.

“Nathan, don’t touch that”

“Nathan, they’re going to arrest you.”

“Nathan, get over here.”

“Nathan stop it!”

“Nathan, do you want to sit in the car with paw-paw? Well, stop then.

“NATHAN!”

What they should have told Nathan was,

“Nathan, I’mma bust yo ass if you touch one more thing!”

Speaking of busting asses, I know everyone must have seen this video by now. Old boy won’t be trying to be an internet thug anymore I bet.

 

I’ve read a lot of the comments out there and it seems, a lot of people are more worried about the uncle’s sagging pants than the fact that,  his nephew was on facebook being an internet thug talking about killing people.  I would have whopped my nephew’s ass too(and I have) for trying to be hard.  That mess will get him or someone in his family killed.  Years from now, he’ll thank his uncle for that very same ass whoppin. He doesn’t know it yet but, his uncle saved his life.   A lot of other people feel that, the uncle will get a visit from social services for displaying child abuse. Somehow, that uncle doesn’t come across to me as a man who gives a damn about social services.  He does however, give a damn about his nephew.

Way to go uncle for stepping up to the plate. If more young black males had an uncle like you, maybe this killing in our community would cease. Everyone is always crying, it takes a man to raise a man and when one steps up, you question the way he raises him.

Y’all need to go sit down somewhere with that mess and let the lion show the cub his place in the pride.

Well, that’s all I got today. I’m behind on a lot of work…gotta get ta’ stepping!