It’s a horrible thing when stress enters your home in the form of people you love. You have to decide what to do with family. Do you take the constant verbal abuse, the back stabbing, the never-ending negativity or,
do you break clean and be done?
This has been my dilemma and why I haven’t been blogging.
Even though I post a lot of things about myself,
there’s more about the inner workings of me that, I’ve yet to share.
even though I’m viewed as a people person,
I’m basically a loner.
I don’t like to bother people (I always think I’m bothering someone which is why I don’t call a lot of people I’d like to) and my circle is very small.
Even though it’s small, I’m extremely loyal to those in it…loyal to fault.
I’ll not only help you bury the body, I’ll be the one cutting the body up while you prep the trunk. That way, we can hurry up and feed the body to some gators.
I will have your back until the end.
Even when you are getting on my nerves, I will NOT release the dragon that is my tongue because,
I love you and I know how sharp it can be.
People in my circle rarely get on my nerves though because, I’m such a ride or die chick where they are concerned .
Loyal to a fault.
Which is why it cuts deep when I keep getting slammed by family members because now, I have to decide what to do with you.
I don’t believe in the adage of,” oh that’s family you have to associate with them” because, the fact that we share the same bloodline is not my doing.
I won’t be held bondage to stress because we share some DNA.
The stress goes to another level when one of the family members is your parent.
I am convinced that, my father’s illness is preying upon his personality because, my dad once would not utter an unkind word about me or anything I did.
Everyone in my family knew that my dad’s eyes weren’t big enough for me.
If I looked at something too long, I had it because he though I wanted it.
That has changed.
He began to say some really hurtful things and it was stressing me out big time. One of the biggest things was to attack the work I’d done on the house after Katrina.
That’s a no-fly zone.
My blood, sweat and tears literally went into this work so, I’m sensitive about my Katrina rebuilding shit.
Perhaps if I’d left it like this,
Instead of this,
Maybe he would have been a lil more appreciative.
No one wants to check their parent. You try to be respectful but, I’m convinced that sometimes, family members use your silence as a moment of opportunity to slam into you more.
There’s only so much I’m gonna take before I slam back …
and when I slam, the walls of Jericho are gonna fall because, I’m such a ride or die chick.
I’m gonna make sure you feel that shit.
Still, the stress was getting to me.
For the longest time, I couldn’t even look at the computer. Couldn’t go to my own blog…couldn’t read anyone else’s either.
There are two particular bloggers that somehow managed to get deep into my spirit and help me find my way back to blog land.
Ladylee is beyond awesome. I am totally in awe at her writing skills. She has a way of breaking down life in such a way that, it gave me clarity for my own situation. I am totally convinced that there is a specific reason I stumbled upon her blog. I was able to keep in touch with my spirituality and not revert to my old crazy-ass ways just by reading a lot of her blogs regarding bible class. Her growth has helped me to grow.
Reggie blogs about any and everything under the sun. I love his blog, it brings me out of my shell. I probably tell more about myself on his blog than I do on my own. It never fails to put the biggest grin on my face and I’ve been needing a lot of that lately. I have no idea how he stumbled upon my blog but, I’m so grateful to whatever force brought him my way.
I don’t doubt that my dad loves me but, he can be arrogant at times and I don’t respond too well to arrogance.
I’d rather not deal with those type of people but, since it’s my dad,
I gave him a chance…a final chance.
At this stage in my life, I’m done compromising my health and sanity.
If a person is so self-absorbed that, they don’t care about how I feel or that I’m stressed…
I’m done with that person.
He understands that now.
In addition that drama, NavySeal recently had surgery…again.
About two years ago, he had to undergo hip replacement surgery.
Well, the good ole boys at Depuy decided to release some defective hip replacements and NS got one.
Because of the problems it was giving him, he had to have it removed.
That meant another surgery and more physical therapy.
I hope those bastards have to pay out of their asses!
Who the heck wants to have surgery twice for the same damned thing?
He’s recouping pretty well.
He’s still has to go through physical therapy (again) but, at least now the surgery is over and we can begin the healing process.
The place he had his surgery is Crescent City Surgical Centre.
It’s a new facility that opened in February of this year.
THIS PLACE IS DA BOMBSHIGGITY!
Y’all know I’m in the healthcare profession so, I’m kinda hard to impress when it comes to that kinda stuff.
I was impressed big time with everything about it!
This place is a dream come true! The surgeons, nurses and other staff are soooo happy and helpful.
The facility is beautiful…even the parking lot!
Every patient has a private room with a pull-out for their loved one to sleep on if they want to stay the night.
They neglected nothing at this place!
The entire staff is soooo happy because, they love where they work.
That in itself makes a difference.
When you’re around a bunch of happy folks, it’s hard for some of that not to rub off,
which in turn, helps the patient.
This place figured that piece of the puzzle out.
For the folks in the area, if you ever have to have surgery…check’em out…you’ll be glad you did.
PurpleKnight will be going to Philly in a few months to see his grandmother and aunts.
While I was on phone with his grandmother she mentioned that, “someone” who is staying in the basement may know where SpermDonor is (remember PK has never met him) and that he could find him. She wanted to know if I wanted PK to meet him.
At first I told her no because, PK will be 20 years old in a few months…what can SpermDonor do now?
Also, I didn’t want him to be hurt by SpermDonor’s promises again.
Then, I thought about it and brought it to PK’s attention.
At first he wasn’t too sure about it but, has now decided that, he’d like to meet him.
He’s exact words were,
“I’m grown now…I just wanna see him, he can’t do nothing for me. You did it all mom.”
I have a funny feeling that the “someone” in the basement IS SpermDonor
It doesn’t matter though. I actually think it will be a good thing for PK to see him.
They probably will never have a relationship but, at least he will have seen him.
Sometimes, that’s all that’s needed…
especially after 20 years have gone by.
I’ll be doing more blog posts but, at least I got this one out.
It was a struggle but, I’m glad I finally managed to fight out of the fog.
It took me months to do it but,
I missed you guys!
Oh, and if y’all see typo’s, screwed up sentences and stuff…I ain’t fixin’ it!
It was hard enough getting this one out,
I don’t have the energy to go around fixing stuff.