Teen Violence.

Last night YellowJacket was on the phone with her boyfriend. She had him on speakerphone so, I could hear every word…and he would hear us.

I wasn’t paying attention to their conversation but he knew I was in the room because, I was helping her with a project and talking to her from time to time.

My ears perked up when I heard him say,”I’m not afraid to hit you in front of your mom”

My response was immediate…

AND I’LL SHOOT YOU IF YOU DO. I’m not afraid to kill you.

He got real quiet after that.

He may have been playing.

I’m not.

Don’t even try to entertain the thought of fucking with my girl.

To quote Tracie Washington, “Orange ain’t on my color wheel but, I’ll proudly wear it if you mess with my kid.”

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Jaded Nurses

I know I’m supposed to be doing my challenge of opening up more on my blog but, I had to take the time  to do a mini-rant regarding “some” of these nurses I keep encountering.

The other day,I was at an extended care facility.

There is a patient at the facility who has pancreatic cancer.

Needless to say, he’s in a lot of pain.

So much pain that, the man was literally moaning,groaning and calling for Jesus to take him.

He’s a hospice patient so, he has morphine that he can take for the pain.

I tell the nurse to give him his scheduled morphine.

She tells me, “oh,he’s always complaining and whining for that morphine”….

are you shittin’ kidding me?

COMPLAINING?!

The man has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

He’s unable to walk because his testicles are the size of basketballs,

and his legs are so full of fluid that, if you touch them,

the indentation stays there for 30 seconds.

And  he’s….

COMPLAINING?!

Now, I gotta tell y’all a lil secret about me in the work field.

My personality isn’t a really rosey one.

In fact, people tell me that, I’m  like Miranda Bailey on Grey’s Anatomy…

or like LaDonna on Treme.

Tough personality, blunt attitude…I get that.

I’ll  take that charge because, I’m only like that when I need to be.

Like when a nurse stands in front of me and tells me that a patient with stage 4 pancreatic cancer is

complaining and whining for morphine.

I think nurses (and doctors too) sometimes forget that,

these are REAL people…

with REAL problems,

and REAL pain.

Becoming jaded in the healthcare profession is one of the worst things that can happen.

Because you lose empathy…

and compassion is next thing out the door.

Nurses don’t have to care about patients as if they’re family members,

but if the patient is in pain,

give the damned patient the meds.

It’s not your call whether or not the person is “whining for morphine.”

Your morals,values,feelings,etc. don’t come into play.

If the order is there…

follow the frigging order.

Cuz one day, it could be you or someone you love,

lying in the bed…

whining for morphine.

 

 

Will I Ever Live It Down?

Well,  carnival time here and for me, it officially begins the “teasing Ali”time of year.

It’s already started and a parade hasn’t even hit the street yet.

This is the time of year I get hit with the infamous question…

Ali, are you gonna beat anyone up this year?

It all began three Mardi Gras ago during an Endymion parade.  It was the year Endymion went down St. Charles Street instead of their regular route of Canal Street.

Yellow Jacket was in Xavier Prep’s Band and I was a chaperon.  Purple Knight was in Aug’s band.

Endymion is a huge parade and the crowd is always thick.

The crowds can be kinda rowdy because, people have been out all day eating and drinking on the route. Having to get drunk people to understand that, they can’t cross through the band lines is kinda like speaking English to someone who doesn’t speak the language…they just don’t get it.

Most of the people out there are wonderful. They love the bands, they cheer for the kids and thank the chaperons for being out there.  I’d say about 99% of the folks out there are really cool and accommodating but, that one percent…

That pic is Endymion going down Carrollton Ave.  The folks in the white, that’s us chaperons for Prep. The side you see is what’s called the “neutral ground side.” At a parade you’re either on the “sidewalk side” or “neutral ground side.”  I always walk on the neutral ground side of any parade.

Anyhoo, the year Endymion went down St. Charles, we weren’t blessed with those barricades and the crowd was much closer to us.  We were the third band in  the parade with St. Aug (always first in every parade they’re in) and St. Mary’s in front of us.

As we’re going along the route, I notice this dude standing on a ladder.  I also noticed that, he’s hitting every chaperon upside the head.

Everyone that passes him, he’s  just bobbing them on the head like he don lost his frigging mind.

So, I’m looking at him and saying to myself,

“This mother f’er is about to hit my ass upside the head.”

So, I’m walking, getting closer to him and…

5…4…3…2…1

BOP!

This  fool don hit me on the head!

So, I turn around and grab his ass with my left hand and bring him down a bit(remember he’s on a ladder) and commenced to beating the shit out of him in the face with my right  hand!

The band director for Prep spots me knocking the shit out of ole ‘boy, runs over and gets me off him(cuz I had no plans to turn him loose.)

One of the cops on duty came to me and said, “I was watching everything but, you was handling ole’ boy so, I didn’t come over.”

Ya darned tootin!

I can get psycho…I just choose not to…unless you mess with me.

I prefer the peaceful side of me, but, nothing peaceful was  gonna happen with some nut hitting me on the head.

When there was a break in the parade, yellow jacket  and her friends call me over to them in the line,

her: ma, I saw you beating that man up! He shouldn’t have hit you on the head that’s good for him!

(my girl always has her momma’s back..lol)

her friends: yeah ma(they all call me ma)we saw  him too… hitting everybody.

When the parade was over and the bands were on their buses going back to their schools, my phone rings.

It’s Purpleknight.

him: ma, did you beat some man up back there on the route?

me:what?

him:Cordell’s momma just phoned him and told him, she saw you beating some man up on the route ( when Cordell’s mom chaperoned for Aug, she coldcocked a man one year and laid him out on St. Charles  so, she can’t tease me.LOL)

Then, I hear one of the other band members ask him while I’m on the phone,

other kid: say bruh, your momma short, wears glasses and look like you?

him: yeah

other kid: yeah bruh, Mr. Eddie saw her too( Mr. Eddie is one of their band directors)

him: (now talking to me) Yeah ma…it was you.

Seems Eddie had left their line to use a restroom and caught me in action.

So  now,every Mardi Gras, my Purple Knight and Yellow Jacket family tease me when they see me…which is pretty often this time of the year.

I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down.

Still love to chaperon though.

The Weekend From Hell…nurse tales from the hood.

*this post is rated “G”…for the ghettoliciousness of it all*  reader beware!

Well, this weekend I went to my  “extra gig” where I’m the supervisor at this little facility on the wet west bank.  After this experience, I don’t know how I let my friends convince me to go into these facilities with them. I guess I’m one of those glutton for punishment type of people. I’m sure there was a full moon this weekend because, the crazies were out in full force.  At least no one was beat up this weekend…but, it almost happened.

Saturday night, I had two nurses going at it…one white, one black (I’ll call vanilla and chocolate.)

It’s 10 at night and all is quiet. Me and two of the cna’s are at one station watching a movie..(hey, don’t judge us man.)  We’re sitting there and all of a sudden, we hear all of this yelling and screaming coming from down the hall.

Me: what the hell is that?

So, we step from behind the nurses station and all I see is nurse vanilla in the middle of the hallway screaming,

ALI! YOU BETTER COME GET THIS B*TCH!

*why me …lawd…why me?*

So, me and the cna’s scurry down the hallway and while walking  there…it’s hitting me like a tornado:

nurse vanilla: this b*tch don’t know who she playin with…

nurse chocolate: no, YOU don’t know who YOU playin with…

nurse vanilla: I been here for 16 hours!! I’m ready to get the hell out of here! This b*tch is on the phone!

nurse chocolate:  I don’t give a f*ck how long you been here b*tch!

*why  me….lawd…why me*

So, my mind has automatically gone to thinking that their narcotic count is off. In the nursing realm, the one thing that will get two nurses going at it is a bad narcotic count. Before you accept the keys from the nurse leaving, they both do a count of the narcotics at that station. and if  it’s off, war breaks out because, no one wants to have to deal with all of the drama that can come from narcotics missing.

So, after listening to them go at it, I still didn’t understand what the hell it was about. And they’ve gotten closer and closer to one another… like they are about to set if off in this here joint.

I somehow end up right in between them…Medusa and The Cracken.

But I wasn’t worried about any fists flying over my head because they already know that at 5′ tall…if you come near me, I’m not busting heads for the white meat…I’m going straight for grey matter!

me:WAIT, WAIT! …is the count off?! …I gotta scream over the screaming.

two crazy nurses: NO! We ain’t even counted yet!!!

ok, this is when they got the  “ya’ll two stupid asses up in here ” look from me.

me to nurse vanilla: you, go stand over there.

me to nurse chocolate: come on, let’s count.

So, I’m doing the count with nurse chocolate and I hear nurse vanilla (while she’s calling the director of nurses from her cell phone) say,

“this bitch about to make me go back to jail!”

… not TO JAIL but, BACK to jail….hmmm.

* I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to*

The narcotic count is good and I walk nurse vanilla outside to her car and she finally leaves.

BUT WAIT IT ONLY GETS BETTER….

Sunday, I’m back at the same place and around 9 p.m. , all of a sudden there is a radio playing at full-volume coming from one of the rooms. While the cna and I are walking to the room, I hear a patient yelling…f* all you mother f*ers! Leave me the f* alone! We go to the room, and old boy is sitting there smoking (a big no-no) and somehow has a daiquiri. He’s steadily screaming @ no one! He’s in the room alone.  He spots us  and screams GET THE F* OUTTA HERE!…LEAVE ME THE F* ALONE!

So, I walk away from ole’ psycho and call Jefferson Parish Officers (J.P.) to the scene.  I call my friend, who is the director of nurses at this crazy facility and she says she wants him out of the place, tell JP to take him.

3 JP officers arrive and escort ole’ psycho out of the building. Psycho man says he’s going around the corner to his brother.

15 minutes later…psycho man has returned…with his brother…psycho, the sequel.

Psycho the sequel, accost the nurse (who is 9 months pregnant)demanding to know who put his brother out. She tries to explain to him about the aggressive behavior but, he doesn’t want to hear that and keeps walking down the hall…towards me.

Nurse calls JP back to facility.

Psycho 2, approaches me and all I can say is… he must have seen it in my face ( I DO NOT have a poker face) because all of the ranting and raving grief he gave the other nurse, did not come my way.

psycho 2: Who put my brother out?

me:your brother is out of control and aggressive,we can’t have him in here like that. JP escorted him off of the premises and we were told that, if he returns to call them back and they’d be back.

psycho 2: oh, but he has nowhere to go…he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

me: *thinking….he just walked around the corner to your house, if he wouldn’t hurt a fly…keep his tail by you until the morning.* But, what came outta my mouth was, “I’m sorry, we have to consider the welfare of all of the other patients, he can’t remain in here.”

Now, JP is in the building again and escorting psycho 1 and 2 out of the building.

Psycho 2 comes back three times…yeah JP was with him each time, they hung around for a while…trying to get me to let ole’ boy stay.

Hell naw!

I read that chart…homeboy threatened to shoot a person at another facility, he has extremely aggressive behavior,he is a schizophrenic with….traumatic brain injury!

Can you even get any crazier than that?

And I know the problem….no third floor Charity is the problem.

There is no place for the psychotic people to go and now, family members are putting them in extended-care facilities… where they have elderly people…good grief.

The director of nurses calls me up…it’s 3 a.m. and I’ve been in this place too darn long.

me: why  the hell did you call me for this mess up in here?

her: because, I know you can handle it.

Yeah chick, forget all the flattery…put it in my paycheck…put it in my paycheck.

I’m tired.

Caligula Faux Pas

The other day since I had some time to kill, I decided to go to Barnes and Noble to see what kind of deals they had.  Well, I ended up in the dvd section and they had this great deal of buy 2 get 1 free.  Great!  I get to stock up on some dvd’s that I either lost in the storm or had always wanted to buy but didn’t.

I go to the section where all of the drama movies are and I see this movie Caligula.  I figure this would be a movie Navy Seal and I could both enjoy…a medium between my “girly girl” movies and his “military” movies.

My husband and I are both history buffs…he much more than I, he’s a darned historian.  I just like to know a lot about really crazy people of the past…Caligula,Nero, Stalin etc.   and since I know Caligula was crazy as catshit, I really wanted to see how they portrayed him in the movie.

The movie is and old 1979  flick, it’s unrated (which I could not figure out why at the time) and looked as though it would be good but, to be on the safe side I call Navy Seal.

me: hey, have you ever seen this movie Caligula with Peter O’Toole in it?

him: years ago, why?

me: I’m thinking of buying it, is it good?

him: it’s nothing to write home about but, get it if you want to.

me: ok.

So, old Caligula comes home with me.

The next day, I’m at work and since I have an hour to kill, I decided to watch some of Caligula.  I pull out my trusty-dusty dvd player and began to watch.

The first scene is two people(male and female) running around in a field which is cool but, I noticed that the female has one boob hanging out of her clothes.

So, I’m thinking  ohh, okay…we’re rated R off the jump.

I keep watching and I’m hit with another scene with this dude being punished for something…I can’t remember what it was for because I was too busy trying to figure out,

why in the world am I staring at a pe.nis right now?

Old boy was having something done to the family jewels…and it looked painful.

I clicked the scene selection button to browse through the movie right quick to see if I can determine where this movie is going and the next scene …

OMG…a full, blown or.gy!!!

Well, shit  they’ve got my attention now…lol.

Now I’m trying to see if this is soft po.rn or hard co.re stuff.

I look at the scene and…this is hard-core stuff!!

It’s all plain as day! You name it…they doing it!

How the hell is this at Barnes and Noble….in the DRAMA SECTION?

The drama section …next to Forrest Gump,Beautiful Mind,etc…

I read the back cover and it has and I quote,

Before Rome, Before Gladiator.  The most controversial film of all time as you’ve never experienced it before!  Combing lavish spectacle and top award-winning stars, this landmark production is now presented in a beautiful new high-definition transfer from recently uncovered negative elements.  From the moment he ascends to the throne as Emperor, Caligula (A Clockwork Orange’s Malcom McDowell) enforces a reign like no other as power and corruption transform him into a deranged beast whose deeds still live on as some of the most depraved in history.  Also starring Peter O’Toole (Lawrence of Arabia) and Academy Award winners Helen Mirren(The Queen) and John Gielgud (Arthur) this unflinching look at the decadence of Ancient Rome will startle and amaze you like no other film ever made.

Is that code for… get your freak on without anyone ever knowing?

Nowhere did I read…this is a movie with po.rn scenes!!!

Good thing I didn’t have anyone sitting near me when the damned movie started playing…knowing the people I work with, they would have taken the movie from me and watched the whole darn thing on the job…lol.

So, now I’m stuck with Caligula, the unrated po.rn movie from Barnes and Noble.

Funny this is…I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one.






A Damned Shame!

A Brown Pelican sits covered in oil on the beach at East Grand Terre Island along the Louisiana coast on Thursday, June 3. Oil from the Deepwater Horizon has affected wildlife throughout the Gulf of Mexico.

Death sentence

Jim Seida says: Photographer Charlie Riedel came across some oil-soaked pelicans today and made what I think are some of the most tragic images to come out of this event.

*all content comes from phot0blog on MSNBC.COM

Car Jackings

Lately, there have been more than a few car jackings here in NOLA and I’m pretty sure that, I was almost the next victim.

The other night, I went out to get something from the drugstore.  On the way home, I was on a main street to get to my home and this car is all of a sudden right on my tail.  So, I’m thinking who the hell just ran up on me like that but, the headlights were on so, I couldn’t see in the car.  The car then backs off.  I never turn down the street I live on, I either turn the street before or after mine…this time it was after.  When I made the turn, I looked in my rear-view mirror to see if anyone turned with me (this is something I ALWAYS do…it just automatic now.)  No one turned right after me but, when I got almost midway the block, I see a car turn…yeah, I’m ALWAYS looking behind me.   So, I made a  right turn near my home…the car got closer and turned again where I turned.  I passed my block up and made a left turn…the car made a left turn.  I went up a block and made a very random left turn on a street that hardly anyone goes down (I’ve been living in this area for 47 years so I knew if they turned here…I was being followed)….they turned.

Now, I’m on the phone with NavySeal:

Me:I’m being followed get downstairs…RIGHT NAH!!

Him:…*click*

I hit the gas to give myself a good lead and made a left turn.  This particular street has a bend to it so, by the time they made it out the bend I had hit the other main street and turned to my street.  I passed my house and NavySeal was standing there with GUNS READY TO SHOOT AND KILL.

Me:  They are still following me ….*speeding off again*…don’t want these fools to know where I live.

I made a left turn and then another left so I was on the street across from mine (there’s a school between the two streets so, I knew I couldn’t be seen.)

I’m sitting there and I see the fools on my block…looking for my car!

I make a left turn and they turn on the same street but now, I’m coming from the opposite direction so, they don’t realize it’s me since I’m facing them now…coming from a totally different side of the area.

I look at them in the car and it’s a female driver and a man on the passenger side, both in their 20’s.  They are so busy looking towards the way I had gone the first time round that, it didn’t dawn on them that I’d come from the opposite direction. And because they had been BEHIND me before, they didn’t know it was me when I driving towards them.

I get to my house (hubby still in the driveway with guns  ready to roll) and I back my car into the driveway.

We stand outside for 15 minutes…they never passed the house…or the side streets by us…we would have seen them if they had.  Once I made that very random turn, I knew I could lose them.

It’s crazy out here today…and it not just in NOLA…it’s everywhere.

What they were aiming for was for me to get to my house and by the time I pulled up,I would have had a gun pointing at me telling me to “give up the car.”  But, because I am ALWAYS on the look out for people driving behind me especially, I spotted them the very first time they turned behind me.  My car would have been a easy for them because…it’s a new car and I don’t have my hard plate yet, just the paper plate in the back window…technically, I should have been an easy target…single female, new car, night time….and I would have been except…I ALWAYS LOOK BEHIND ME,  AND I NEVER DRIVE TO MY HOUSE IF THERE IS A CAR ANYWHERE NEAR ME…I keep driving… to the nearest police station if I have to.

I knew if something would have happened when I did pull up… NavySeal was going to take them out.  The man was a NavySeal SNIPER in the VIETNAM WAR…uhhh, yeah, he can shoot.  He’s a  Louisiana State Policeman and commissioned with NOPD and he hunts so, uhhh yeah…he can shoot…very well.

I didn’t want these fools to know where I lived though because of the kids…it’s funny how, even when your own life is in danger, you’re thinking of the kids.

So, to all you ladies out there…guys too…be careful…last week, they tried to car jack a man , he must have seen them coming  because by the time the perp got to the car and told him to get out, he had his gun and  shot the perpetrator  through the car door and killed him.

Times are hard and people are getting more desperate and if they can’t earn it….they’ll try to take it.

Keeping your guard up saves your life.

Do you know who’s following you?