The Weight Of My Denial

Yesterday, I watched a documentary on PBS called Soul Food Junkies. In a nutshell it’s a documentary regarding the food that African-Americans eat (soul food) and how unhealthy it is.  Most of the things in the documentary I already knew. Being in the nursing profession, I’ve seen the ramifications of a diet high in saturated fats and low in fiber all too often.

I never was a person to  consume pig feet, chitterlings,pig lips or turkey necks like so many of my friends. I’m also not that big on what’s considered Soul Food. I can take or leave fried chicken, black-eyed peas,mac and cheese, and the like.

Still, I’m not the healthiest eater.

I have a terrible sweet tooth and I really need to eat more fruits and veggies.

I’ve been trying to correct that but, it’s a really slow process.

And while I’m not big on soul food, after watching the documentary I realized that,I do have an addiction to Creole Cuisine.

I didn’t realize how bad the addiction was until I had to shop for an evening gown for the Nyx Ball. When I began looking for dresses to try on, I figured I wasn’t in my usual size 3-4 anymore. I’ve been having fibroid tumors for a while  and my abdomen area isn’t as flat as it used to be. I picked up a few dresses in 5/6 and a few in 7/8 just to be on the safe side. I was totally floored when the size 7/8 dresses didn’t fit.  I reluctantly picked up a 9/10 and tried it on.

It was a perfect fit.

Still, it couldn’t be me.  Even though the scale said that I had gained weight,I attributed it to the fibroids.  There was no way I was actually in a size  9/10 dress.

I drove  home screaming about, how horrible it was that companies today are deliberately making dresses smaller, to make it appear that women are larger than what they actually are.

“I don’t gain weight so, I know it’s those frigging companies! Where is my tape measure?!”

I took the tape measure and measured my waist.

“Well, I expect my WAIST to be larger, I have fibroids!”

Then, I took the tape measure and measured my hips,

O_O

what happened to my 34″ hips?

How da hell I have 39 1/2 ” hips!?!

Still, that CAN’T be a size 10!

*goes to a computer and pull up women’s clothing chart*

O_O

Well, of course the charts are gonna say that!

I know what! I have a pair of shorts in the closet that I could never wear because they were too big!

*goes to the closet,pulls out shorts and put them on*

O_O

I’m still coming to grips with the fact that, I’m in a size 10.

I was in total denial because I did not “feel”  any larger.

I was still wearing the same clothes because most of my pants are baggy.

Nothing felt tight on me except shirts…but that’s because I have fibroids (I blamed fibroids for everything.)

I know I have some work ahead of me.

I have to get these extra pounds off of me and get my love for creole cuisine under control.

Because as much as I love eating it,

I love living more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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