Will I Ever Live It Down?

Well,  carnival time here and for me, it officially begins the “teasing Ali”time of year.

It’s already started and a parade hasn’t even hit the street yet.

This is the time of year I get hit with the infamous question…

Ali, are you gonna beat anyone up this year?

It all began three Mardi Gras ago during an Endymion parade.  It was the year Endymion went down St. Charles Street instead of their regular route of Canal Street.

Yellow Jacket was in Xavier Prep’s Band and I was a chaperon.  Purple Knight was in Aug’s band.

Endymion is a huge parade and the crowd is always thick.

The crowds can be kinda rowdy because, people have been out all day eating and drinking on the route. Having to get drunk people to understand that, they can’t cross through the band lines is kinda like speaking English to someone who doesn’t speak the language…they just don’t get it.

Most of the people out there are wonderful. They love the bands, they cheer for the kids and thank the chaperons for being out there.  I’d say about 99% of the folks out there are really cool and accommodating but, that one percent…

That pic is Endymion going down Carrollton Ave.  The folks in the white, that’s us chaperons for Prep. The side you see is what’s called the “neutral ground side.” At a parade you’re either on the “sidewalk side” or “neutral ground side.”  I always walk on the neutral ground side of any parade.

Anyhoo, the year Endymion went down St. Charles, we weren’t blessed with those barricades and the crowd was much closer to us.  We were the third band in  the parade with St. Aug (always first in every parade they’re in) and St. Mary’s in front of us.

As we’re going along the route, I notice this dude standing on a ladder.  I also noticed that, he’s hitting every chaperon upside the head.

Everyone that passes him, he’s  just bobbing them on the head like he don lost his frigging mind.

So, I’m looking at him and saying to myself,

“This mother f’er is about to hit my ass upside the head.”

So, I’m walking, getting closer to him and…

5…4…3…2…1

BOP!

This  fool don hit me on the head!

So, I turn around and grab his ass with my left hand and bring him down a bit(remember he’s on a ladder) and commenced to beating the shit out of him in the face with my right  hand!

The band director for Prep spots me knocking the shit out of ole ‘boy, runs over and gets me off him(cuz I had no plans to turn him loose.)

One of the cops on duty came to me and said, “I was watching everything but, you was handling ole’ boy so, I didn’t come over.”

Ya darned tootin!

I can get psycho…I just choose not to…unless you mess with me.

I prefer the peaceful side of me, but, nothing peaceful was  gonna happen with some nut hitting me on the head.

When there was a break in the parade, yellow jacket  and her friends call me over to them in the line,

her: ma, I saw you beating that man up! He shouldn’t have hit you on the head that’s good for him!

(my girl always has her momma’s back..lol)

her friends: yeah ma(they all call me ma)we saw  him too… hitting everybody.

When the parade was over and the bands were on their buses going back to their schools, my phone rings.

It’s Purpleknight.

him: ma, did you beat some man up back there on the route?

me:what?

him:Cordell’s momma just phoned him and told him, she saw you beating some man up on the route ( when Cordell’s mom chaperoned for Aug, she coldcocked a man one year and laid him out on St. Charles  so, she can’t tease me.LOL)

Then, I hear one of the other band members ask him while I’m on the phone,

other kid: say bruh, your momma short, wears glasses and look like you?

him: yeah

other kid: yeah bruh, Mr. Eddie saw her too( Mr. Eddie is one of their band directors)

him: (now talking to me) Yeah ma…it was you.

Seems Eddie had left their line to use a restroom and caught me in action.

So  now,every Mardi Gras, my Purple Knight and Yellow Jacket family tease me when they see me…which is pretty often this time of the year.

I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down.

Still love to chaperon though.

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21 thoughts on “Will I Ever Live It Down?

  1. Dang Ma! First them doggone guns! NOW you pulling jokers off of ladders and beatin’ the cheese out of them.

    Gotta make SURE I don’t mess with you! LAWD!

    Yes I remember the parades when I lived down there! Especially standing on the neutral ground waiting for Endymion! You brought back memories with this one! (And scared me once again!)

  2. YES!!! I love it! I always tell people not to take me there b/c it won’t be pretty. Most people believe me and those that don’t find out if they choose to act crazy with me. He deserved what he got. You GO!!!

    On another note: I hope I have a good relationship with my son’s friends when he is a teen.

  3. TWO, I don’t blame you!
    Ya know, I’m one of those people who can find humor in just about anything so, I can usually brush off a lot of stuff. I prefer to live my life peaceful and having fun. It took me years to get to this place in my life and my life is richer for it. But, his butt hit me(and everyone before me) on the head so, it was ON!

    I really should have put Cordell’s mom story up. That woman knocked a grown behind man out cold with one punch! And he wasn’t no small dude either! They banned her from chaperoning with Aug because, she was getting a rep out there. That’s my girl though.
    When she said, push back…people pushed the heck back!

    I’m sure you’ll have a GREAT relationship with your son’s friends. Kids know who the cool parents are and you’re one cool chick! All the kids know that, I’ll check them in a heartbeat if needed but, I’ll be right there letting them teach ME how to jerk as well.
    BTW, I look a hot mess doing that dance. 🙂

  4. NO you just look HOT doing that dance (if you can call it a dance-looks more like calisthenics ! BUT,,,YOU still look HOT doing it !!LOL

    • SP, I think most people would go a lil bonkers if you hit them…especially for no reason at all. It is what it is. Most of the people out there are beyond wonderful. I love meeting the people who are experiencing their first mardi gras. They all say just about the same thing, “it’s nothing like you see on television, it’s more about family and fun.” And, it is. The chaperons probably have more fun than the kids…I know I do. The nuts like the one I encountered are few and far between and the cops don’t play when you mess with the kids or the chaperons.

  5. You did that fool right!!! Hell, if anything, you performed a public service. I was at the Zulu parade once and I almost got into a fight. Twice I’d been handed a coconut and twice this dude next to me knocked it out of my hand. I really wanted one of those gold coconuts and this fool just kept knocking it out of my hand. I think they both broke……..it’s been a good 15 years and I don’t remember, I just remember being pissed!!!

    I think I cursed his ass out.

    Tell the truth…….have you ever flashed anyone during Mardi Gras?!?

    • Reggie, when I was in my 20’s, I used to do the French Quarter Mardi Gras thing. But, no…I never flashed anyone during Mardi Gras. I’m too shy for that type of stuff. I was goosed by someone in the crowd though. It was wall to wall people in the Quarters and I just felt someone grip my ass really hard!
      Never did find out who did it.

      • When I used to work as a social worker on Tulane and Broad, that happened to me in a crowded elevator once. Someone reached out and pinched my ass. The only three ladies behind me were all like three levels above me on the hierachy. I remember all three of them laughing when I got off the elevator.

      • Reggie, that’s foul. It’s funny as hell but,that was foul what they did.
        Wait…Tulane and Broad? Lawd, I’m surprised they only pinched your butt! Those women working over there kinda rowdy.

  6. The question is how many times did you have to tell the kids to “step lively” on the parade route? LOL

    I wish the the boy could experience some parades now that he’s of age. He’d have a ball.

    • I refuse to ever utter the words, “step lively!” Dad has ruined those words for me. Why did he always have to say it twice, it was always…
      “step lively, step lively” like we were in the military or something. He did have a camp full of kids though.

    • Judy, it really was hilarious after it was all said and done.

      Here’s why…the very next day which was Sunday, people were out there for Midcity and Bacchus. We marched in Midcity. All the uptown parades go down St. Charles Ave.
      I spotted ole’ boy on his ladder in the exact same spot as he was when I decked him.
      This time, he didn’t touch a soul! LOL

    • Tazzee, you all will find my blog shifting a bit with me telling more about myself. The good, the bad, the ugly and the hilarious!

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