Caligula Faux Pas

The other day since I had some time to kill, I decided to go to Barnes and Noble to see what kind of deals they had.  Well, I ended up in the dvd section and they had this great deal of buy 2 get 1 free.  Great!  I get to stock up on some dvd’s that I either lost in the storm or had always wanted to buy but didn’t.

I go to the section where all of the drama movies are and I see this movie Caligula.  I figure this would be a movie Navy Seal and I could both enjoy…a medium between my “girly girl” movies and his “military” movies.

My husband and I are both history buffs…he much more than I, he’s a darned historian.  I just like to know a lot about really crazy people of the past…Caligula,Nero, Stalin etc.   and since I know Caligula was crazy as catshit, I really wanted to see how they portrayed him in the movie.

The movie is and old 1979  flick, it’s unrated (which I could not figure out why at the time) and looked as though it would be good but, to be on the safe side I call Navy Seal.

me: hey, have you ever seen this movie Caligula with Peter O’Toole in it?

him: years ago, why?

me: I’m thinking of buying it, is it good?

him: it’s nothing to write home about but, get it if you want to.

me: ok.

So, old Caligula comes home with me.

The next day, I’m at work and since I have an hour to kill, I decided to watch some of Caligula.  I pull out my trusty-dusty dvd player and began to watch.

The first scene is two people(male and female) running around in a field which is cool but, I noticed that the female has one boob hanging out of her clothes.

So, I’m thinking  ohh, okay…we’re rated R off the jump.

I keep watching and I’m hit with another scene with this dude being punished for something…I can’t remember what it was for because I was too busy trying to figure out,

why in the world am I staring at a pe.nis right now?

Old boy was having something done to the family jewels…and it looked painful.

I clicked the scene selection button to browse through the movie right quick to see if I can determine where this movie is going and the next scene …

OMG…a full, blown or.gy!!!

Well, shit  they’ve got my attention now…lol.

Now I’m trying to see if this is soft po.rn or hard co.re stuff.

I look at the scene and…this is hard-core stuff!!

It’s all plain as day! You name it…they doing it!

How the hell is this at Barnes and Noble….in the DRAMA SECTION?

The drama section …next to Forrest Gump,Beautiful Mind,etc…

I read the back cover and it has and I quote,

Before Rome, Before Gladiator.  The most controversial film of all time as you’ve never experienced it before!  Combing lavish spectacle and top award-winning stars, this landmark production is now presented in a beautiful new high-definition transfer from recently uncovered negative elements.  From the moment he ascends to the throne as Emperor, Caligula (A Clockwork Orange’s Malcom McDowell) enforces a reign like no other as power and corruption transform him into a deranged beast whose deeds still live on as some of the most depraved in history.  Also starring Peter O’Toole (Lawrence of Arabia) and Academy Award winners Helen Mirren(The Queen) and John Gielgud (Arthur) this unflinching look at the decadence of Ancient Rome will startle and amaze you like no other film ever made.

Is that code for… get your freak on without anyone ever knowing?

Nowhere did I read…this is a movie with po.rn scenes!!!

Good thing I didn’t have anyone sitting near me when the damned movie started playing…knowing the people I work with, they would have taken the movie from me and watched the whole darn thing on the job…lol.

So, now I’m stuck with Caligula, the unrated po.rn movie from Barnes and Noble.

Funny this is…I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one.