Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I hate when my life gets like this. I seem to be doing fine,

I actually think I’m doing okay and then,

it hits me out of nowhere,

Katrina residual is what I call it.

It happens around the middle of July and lingers on til the end of October.

Yesterday was the 8th year anniversary of the storm.

My neighborhood after Katrina. My house is in that pic.

My neighborhood after Katrina.  Well…after the levees broke.

I was melancholy the entire day…still don’t feel like myself.

This time last year, we were dealing with the ramifications of  Hurricane Issac.

Sweltering heat, no electricity…which means no air conditioning…in the deep south.

It was awful.

100% humidity makes it hard to breathe for someone with upper respiratory issues like me.

No electricity means no lights, not even street lights so, it was dark as shit at night.

No where near Katrina shit but, I hate not having electricity because aside from the obvious,

you then  go through the, “how the hell they have lights down the block and I ain’t got no damned lights ” syndrome.

I guess my mind is in protective mode,

bracing itself to handle whatever comes.

While still handling what’s already happened.

Eight years….feels like yesterday.

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

  1. yep I understand these last few days have been extra ruff my mom would have been 80 on 8/23 my daddy died 8/27/97 and then the big k so this am when family reunion played on the radio I cried all the way back to the house… my home is in nola I guess we all got a case of IsurvivedKatrinabutIstllhatethebitch

    • Yeah, Ida it’s rough around this time of year for all of us. I think that’s part of the reason, I’m still here…people understand. I don’t have to worry when my emotions get the best of me.

  2. I can only imagine the post trauma stress that you and your fellow New Orleanians must feel, BC. Heck, I didn’t even go through Katrina and the anniversary makes me sad too. So it must be really hard for you.

    Have you considered talking to a professional about how you feel? Sometimes that can make a really big difference. Often we deprive ourselves of the freedom to express our pain in trying to be strong.

    Hang in there.

    *BIG hug*

    🙂

    • Val, I went through therapy a few years back and it really helped. I’m no where near what I used to be. I used to cry all the time, I couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t even go to a parade…and you know how I am about this city. When I started to feel myself slipping, I had to sit down and look at what was going on in addition to my Katrina residual. Once I figured it out, I began to make some changes…my next post. 🙂

    • Thanks Sooz…right back at’cha. Your Katrina story was very moving. Your heart was here when the storm hit..always tell your story.

  3. hi bc, thanks, I loved reading your post about this. My reaction Thursday was total distraction, and then I tell myself, well, it’s Katrina Day. My only real commemoration of it is to write a blog post on our work blog, and post a photo on my own blog. Beyond that, we’re just supposed to keep on doing what we’ve been doing. glad to hear from you, and the new look is very fancy! and easy to read. sp

    • HI SP! Glad you like the new look…I’m trying to revamp my blog. Maybe that will give me some sort of incentive to blog more. Are you going to rising tide? I’m still trying to decide if I’m going this year.

      • hi bc, yes, I am planning to attend rising tide again this year, I like seeing everybody (so fun to see you there!) and hopefully it will be a learning experience too. sp

      • SP,I may go this year. If I do it’s gonna be a last minute sort of thing. If I’m free next weekend, I’ll be there.

  4. I feel this way around tragic anniversaries in my life. So I am sorry for your pain and feelings of melancholy.

    Console yourself with the fact that you are still here. This is temportary. And things will get better. They always do. That’s how I get through.

    • Yeah Reg, it’s been 8 years. I can’t believe it either. A lot of neighborhoods still look like it happened yesterday though. I don’t know what the hell is going on. They have a lot of blighted houses throughout the city. They need to bulldoze them all down.

  5. Hi, I’m new here! Nothing on the news for the anniversary, if you will, which makes me even sadder. I kind of relate how you’re feeling to my thoughts on how 9-11 happened while I sat in my 10th grade classroom,so sheltered that I had never seen the Towers up close. But I could never get the images out of my head thereafter.
    I enjoyed this post, I pray you are coping as best you can.

    • Welcome Shetraces! I was kinda pissed that, they didn’t have anything regarding the anniversary. I know when it’s the 10th year, they’re gonna have all sorts of shit on the news. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. In a few months, they’re really gonna get interesting with Mardi Gras and stuff…I can’t wait. It’s my favorite season.

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