The Weight Of My Denial

Yesterday, I watched a documentary on PBS called Soul Food Junkies. In a nutshell it’s a documentary regarding the food that African-Americans eat (soul food) and how unhealthy it is.  Most of the things in the documentary I already knew. Being in the nursing profession, I’ve seen the ramifications of a diet high in saturated fats and low in fiber all too often.

I never was a person to  consume pig feet, chitterlings,pig lips or turkey necks like so many of my friends. I’m also not that big on what’s considered Soul Food. I can take or leave fried chicken, black-eyed peas,mac and cheese, and the like.

Still, I’m not the healthiest eater.

I have a terrible sweet tooth and I really need to eat more fruits and veggies.

I’ve been trying to correct that but, it’s a really slow process.

And while I’m not big on soul food, after watching the documentary I realized that,I do have an addiction to Creole Cuisine.

I didn’t realize how bad the addiction was until I had to shop for an evening gown for the Nyx Ball. When I began looking for dresses to try on, I figured I wasn’t in my usual size 3-4 anymore. I’ve been having fibroid tumors for a while  and my abdomen area isn’t as flat as it used to be. I picked up a few dresses in 5/6 and a few in 7/8 just to be on the safe side. I was totally floored when the size 7/8 dresses didn’t fit.  I reluctantly picked up a 9/10 and tried it on.

It was a perfect fit.

Still, it couldn’t be me.  Even though the scale said that I had gained weight,I attributed it to the fibroids.  There was no way I was actually in a size  9/10 dress.

I drove  home screaming about, how horrible it was that companies today are deliberately making dresses smaller, to make it appear that women are larger than what they actually are.

“I don’t gain weight so, I know it’s those frigging companies! Where is my tape measure?!”

I took the tape measure and measured my waist.

“Well, I expect my WAIST to be larger, I have fibroids!”

Then, I took the tape measure and measured my hips,


what happened to my 34″ hips?

How da hell I have 39 1/2 ” hips!?!

Still, that CAN’T be a size 10!

*goes to a computer and pull up women’s clothing chart*


Well, of course the charts are gonna say that!

I know what! I have a pair of shorts in the closet that I could never wear because they were too big!

*goes to the closet,pulls out shorts and put them on*


I’m still coming to grips with the fact that, I’m in a size 10.

I was in total denial because I did not “feel”  any larger.

I was still wearing the same clothes because most of my pants are baggy.

Nothing felt tight on me except shirts…but that’s because I have fibroids (I blamed fibroids for everything.)

I know I have some work ahead of me.

I have to get these extra pounds off of me and get my love for creole cuisine under control.

Because as much as I love eating it,

I love living more.









15 thoughts on “The Weight Of My Denial

  1. Da Nile ain’t just a river in Egypt BayouCreole.

    I remember going off to college and as a freshman trying to give blood to the American Red Cross. Well they didn’t take blood from people that were 6’1 and weighed 105 pounds. I went to give blood and I was under the weight requirement. Well fast forward almost 30 years later and I’m good. Of course those extra 75 pounds I’ve gained over the years helped.

    Pigs feet will never pass these lips. No hog maws (whatever the hell that is). No blood sausage. No shittlin’s. Nothing’s organs and no pigs parts or turkey necks. No monkey hips and rice….none of that.

    Now fried chicken and collard greens and macaroni and cheese are awesome. That could be my last meal if I were on death row.

    Let the weight thing go, we’re gonna pick up a pound or two as the years go by. We just don’t need to pick up entirely too much weight. We just don’t want to be walking around looking like we’ve got a wait problem, we can’t wait to eat.

    • Reg, you were 105 pounds?Goodness! I haven’t the foggiest idea what hog maws are? OK, I just googled it. It’s the lining of the stomach of a pig!! Good Gawd! Who eats that!?!
      I’m gonna try to let it go Reg. I actually think this weight is the reason my blood pressure is up though.

      • I was ridiculously skinny. I looked like one of those foreign exchange students from Eastern Africa. I was so skinny that when I bent over I looked like a big ass “L”. I was so skinny if I turned sideways I’d disappear……..but not now.

      • Reg, you’re so crazy! LOL
        How did you gain the weight? Was it deliberate? I used to be really small too! I used to drink Nutrament, Ensure Plus or those Smoothie King’s Hulk trying to gain weight. Then, then doctor put me on Periactin to increase my appetite. I ate like a dog, slept like crazy and didn’t gain a pound! LOL I gained 30 lbs when I was pregnant with my son. When I took him for his 2-week check up, I had on leggings and a t-shirt. The doctor walked in the door, took one look and me and said, “that’s a damned shame, women would kill to be able to lose weight like that.” I had lost all 30 lbs in two weeks. That is why my gaining this weight is so foreign to me…but it could still be the fibroids! 🙂

      • I tried the Smoothie King Hulks too. I seem to remember them having 2000 calories in them or something crazy like that. I also ate raw eggs and stopped drinking liquor and concentrated on beer………..oh and my wife turned out to be a fairly good cook, that helped too. When you’re in college and struggling, you get poor eating habits and I had some bad ones.

        My wife turned out to be a fairly good cook. See sometimes when you’re going for the booty and the beauty, you get lucky and end up with someone who can cook too.

    • Ida, I’m trying watch both. I don’t want it to get out of control. Which is kinda hard down here with all of this great food.

  2. It’s crazy how the weight crept up on you. I weigh myself regularly because I’m actively trying to lose weight. But more importantly I’m trying to stay healthy. In addition to my eating, my lack of sleep is a deterrent also.

    • Taz, I thought the same thing. It’s crazy how it crept up! I’ve been small all of my life and had an extremely high metabolism. I never knew weight could just sneak up on you like that!

  3. It’s funny how the weight can just creep up on that. I blame The Oracle for all of my weight gain. lol It’s his fault….all of it. 😉 You can enjoy the Creole food….just smaller portions and staying active.

    And what the heck???? Fried chicken might be heaven, I am sure of it.

    • That’s what I’m telling myself. I can eat small portion but where do they sell small portions here? And when they sit all of that delicious food in front of you, how can you just STOP eating!?!
      Oh well, at least they serve small portions at the festivals! 🙂

  4. I saw Soul Food Junkies too. It was kind of depressing. But, I learned some things. Like you, I don’t eat much soul food. Over the last 4 or 5 years I’ve been trying to eat healthy, with varying degrees of success. It seems like I’ll eat really well for a few months and then fall off the wagon for a few months. So that’s what I need to work on.

    • Val, I was in serious denial about my addiction to this food. I’m still trying to work it all out. It’s a slow process but at least, I’m moving in the right direction.

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